My untold story..

Image source: tatcha

I don’t know how to describe my depression…it felt like a black hole…as if my mind was running on tunnel vision and I couldn’t see anything outside of that tunnel vision of negativity and grief. It got to the point that I lost interest in seeing any of my friends. I stopped going out. I slept in a lot. I cried a lot. I was going downhill. I could not snap out of it and all I could do was sit there and feel sorry for myself. I was conquered by my depression. It controlled me. I was a different person. The person that I never ever hoped to be.

Fast forward to a few months before I finally reached out to get some professional help.

It’s been 6 years now since I been on anti depressants. It took a lot of counselling sessions before a sweet counsellor over phone suggested that I go see a psychiatrist. Wrong move. I went along, though and asked my GP for a referral. What I don’t understand is to whether none of them; counsellor, GP, psychiatrist suggested that I see a psychologist first rather than to rely on medications to help me get better.

Either way it helped me get better. I was more assertive, more in control. I started to enjoy life and functioning like a normal person mentally. There would be times that I would feel down or overwhelmed by a traumatic event. It was normal. I was human. Anti depressants are not a happy pill. Rather than waking up with pessimistic thoughts, doubts and anxiety. I started to wake up every morning feeling rather ‘normal’. “Yes, today is a new day, a new chapter, I can’t wait what today will bring” I started to say to myself.

To be continued…

Depression is…

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Image source: Gizmodo

Depression is… the black cloud that hovers above your head every day, every minute, every second. No one can see it, but only you can feel it…taunting you…following you…stalking you…

Depression is… the collection of self made insecurities and negative thoughts, collected day by day twisting ordinary scenarios or small drama into something more volatile, more dark, more dramatic.

Depression is… like a thriller/horror movie. Full of darkness and suspense. The route to escape is just that harder to reach, just that further to reach. It’s sucking you in, torturing you bit by bit so that you feel the full throttle of it’s pain.

“Cheer up” they tell you. But it’s not as easy as just eating your favourite meal, going for a pamper session, going on a long holiday.

Depression is… the chemical imbalance in the brain.