Wherever I go and whichever job I hold, I know that drama and conflict is inevitable. There will always be someone who will eventually become my friend and someone in whom I cannot tolerate and work with. I know that this is life and life is full of obstacles. Life is a roller coaster. There are ups and there are downs.
However, battling with depression in the workplace is another. Being an INFJ, we are thinkers. Thinkers to the point where we think TOO much and can overthink at times. INFJ’s are sensitive individuals and we are very sensitive to conflict, even if it does not have anything to do with us. Conflict stresses us out. Conflict in a workplace stresses me out and being a thinker, I find it rather hard to stop thinking constantly day and night non-stop about it. I think and think and think. On my day off I would occasionally think about work, even though my work is not stressful at all!! It drives me crazy! It’s suffocating me and I need professional help. I am in need of redemption lord!
These past few years 90% of my thoughts have been filled with work. I have neglected my social life and am not surprised when I end up feeling lonely. Of course! I been neglecting my poor friends! They probably got sick of it and decided to pack their bags up and wave goodbye to my sorry ass. Sighs. My partner has voiced out his frustration in regards to my work problems. He is sick of hearing about my work dilemmas and how it is making me miserable.
I been job hopping quite frequently due to a mix of my depression and my bad luck with work. It is definitely something I am not proud of. The longest job that I have stayed at is 2.5 years and it was a casual job, thus I did not work regularly there. I am fast approaching my late 20’s and I need to think about making my own family. I want to become a mother soon. However, this important plan in my life has only been on my mind for a mere 6% of my time.
I have only just recently questioned the relationship of depression and the workplace. I came about a post by Jenny Bromfield:
“At 34 years old, I’ve had countless jobs, and a lot of them are jobs people would be (and are) extremely content and happy to have gotten. I have left each and every one of them. I got the jobs because I am good at what I do. Customer service and sales are my forte and I’m not ashamed to admit it. What I am ashamed to admit is I have never held a job for much longer than two years. I saw a quote this evening that sums up these thoughts: “Depression lies.” It is so true. Had I not been depressed and just been overloaded, I could have asked for help and come back to my high-performing self. Instead, I let myself get further and further into the darkness, and finally end up finding another job, feeling like I’m “bettering” myself. In reality, I was avoiding the issues all together. I would then start in another role and begin the cycle again.”
I have never felt so understood and I found myself physically nodding to every single thing that was written by her. I found myself asking myself “oh god, how do you know me so well Jenny!!!!”
Self pity parties and tears have made home in my bedroom and my mind is yet to continue on analysing every person, every situation in regards to work. Work, work, work. That is all that I can think about.
At times, I find reading a good book or watching an interesting drama to assist me in dealing with my problems. These outlets have assisted me in diverging myself in a fantasy world and has helped me direct my focus elsewhere. I find myself happier and able to cope. However, unfortunately, these cheap and fast outlets are only short-term and do nothing for me in the long-term.
I have come to the conclusion that I am in need to get professional help from a mental health professional to assist me in working out strategies for myself, to tackle this vicious “work cycle” head on. I am proud of myself to be able to identify what hasn’t been working for me and where I can get help. Now all that’s left is to seek that help and to apply the right strategies to my problems in order to seek out change.
I have also come to the conclusion that it may be ideal for me to seek out industries or workplaces that have supportive or “nicer” employees or a better team environment to work in. I have found some in the past, but due to my stupidity and other external circumstances, I have left or either had to leave due other reasons.
I believe what also makes me think about work and putting a lot of emphasis on my career is the fact that we humans will or end up spending more time in the workplace than we do at home and with loved ones. Thus, it is natural to come across some sort of stress that are work-related. Society has also put a lot of emphasis on working women and the need to develop their careers, as well as this so called ‘consumer driven world that we live in.’
Have any of you guys had a similar experience? If so, how have you dealt with it? Signing out, your dear INFJ friend, Tiff.